So, it started with this like conflict between every country , they had this empires, which were like sweatshops, but instead of just working minorities like Chinese people, they were entire countries. And it was sort of okay for a while, but you know they were having administrative changes and people were gathering and separating, countries were being formed and stuff, the British had a queen, the French didn't, the Germans were kinda the alpha bitch.
They were really cunning, like in those shows of mean teens where they say one thing to their faces and then they talk shit about each other. And it was like that, until Serbia, who wanted to gather up with all its hommies was like "Oh no you didn't bitch" when Austria took Bosnia. And so then Serbia called Russia, who was like much more popular and richer, and Russia was pissed because he had made pinky promise to help all those new born countries like Bosnia, and Austria was being a jerk.
So Russia was like "Hey man, what's up!" and Austria was like "Yea you know, Idc" and was a total bitch because she was bffs with Germany who came right away and was like "If you know what's good for you, you'll mind your own business bitch" and so Russia was really pissed, but since he had had a big fight with Japan, he was in no conditions to start a cat fight, so he just took off.
But like it happens with this things, Russia swore revenge, and you know you don't want some cold ass bunkers neglecting you your Absolute. Aha. Well after this Germany was feeling the shit, and had this guy Otto as a PR (public relations... no pun intended) who was like really good at making people believe they were best pals, and he made bffs bracelets with Austria-Hungary and with Italy, and they called themselves the Triple Alliance, I know, it is so not classy but whatever. At the same time Otto knew France was like really popular too, so he kept a casual friendship with them, while trying to be nice with Russia.
This Otto guy was okay, until William II took over and was like "We don't need no friendship with those bitches, we're just fine the three of us" so he totally busted the relationship with Russia and France. I mean Germany was the queen, but after this France and Russia were like "You hate that goatfucker sunuvabitch, i hate him too, let's hang out" And so Russia and France became buddies, and Great Britain has always been best Frienemies with France, so the three of them got together , they called themselves the triple entente. If you ask me these people needed some creativity, but whatever.
So the bands were made and you know there's tension when the alpha bitches start teasing the others, who were too pretty damn right popular themselves. But it was at Bosnia's party when it all went wrong, this prep jock from Austria's squad, Franz Something was just chilling when all of the sudden a text was sent to everyone with a video of him last Christmas. I don't want to go into details about what was in that anonymous text, but it killed him, socially speaking. He was never seen in any self-respecting party ever since.
And you know Austria wouldn't have give a damn about that any other day of the week, but she knew she could blame it on Serbia, after the whole "I take your friend and diss Russia" thing. It was later known that it was Bosnia herself who sent that text, but Austria wouldn't care. And that bitch wasn't stupid, it was until rich-kid-Germany gave her permission that Austria went all commando on Serbia. Even if they knew big brother Russia would take some action.
Germany warned Russia but this time Russia was like "You can shove your goddam warning up your beer spitting ass" and you know how this is, one bitch messes with one of the gang, and it gets the whole effing gang. So for some stupid excuse Germany declared war on France, and then GB threw a margarita to Germany's new Hugo Boss. It all went messy with this guys.
Germany stole from France, Austria posted some gossip about Serbia and pals, Russia was all "am a kill you now bitch", and it was all bloody murder. Then Italy was backstabbing, making alliances with France, she ditched Austria and Germany, who were all "you two timing slut!" but she didn't care, she fought those two bitches.
I don't really think we have to get into details about everything that happened, but you must know it got ugly, and that Germany was pretty much kicking ass. But then the new girl in town showed up in her red, blue and white Marc Jacobs with a puff up blond hair and some out of season boots, America, noveau riche. She had the big guns, the big words and the big bucks. It was not clear who to pair with, since nobody could know the outcome, but GB and her came since way back, so she just made some lame ass excuse that Germany had done her wrong. So she joined forces with the Ententes.
After all the cat fighting and flaming, and bitching they were tired, but America, well she had just put on her dance shoes, and was planning to party until dawn. Even if Germany had been the queen and all, the whole Double Alliance didn't last for too long, they were completely destroyed, not to show their faces ever again in that part of the continent.
So after making the official dethroning and public humilliation of Germany and Austria, Entente took over. They even made this gathering where they forced Germany to take all the blame and repay for all of her mischief. After they were done with her, she was not even recognizable in the streets, which was kind of sad, but that bitch had it coming. She was forbidden to ever talk to Austria, diminished to one text a day, and crippled to not buying any high couture ever again.
But even if she was only shreds of what she used to be, Germany swore she would raise again, and we all know what happened after that, with all the racists and the fascists. But that's sort of another story, and I would not like to be such a gossip.
[so out of line, so out of line...]
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