Aujourd'hui, at french conversation club the coordinator didn't make it, so we improvised with little cards with debating questions on them. First it was all very superficial, about hopes, dreams, opinions and in general secular content.
What would you do if you were president for a day? If you had only 6 months to live what would you do? Would you tell a friend if you fell in love with him/her?
Then God came into the equation.
If you could ask God anything, what would you ask?
First I heard questions like "What's the purpose of my life?", "what's the point of living?"
While others questioned their existence trough their creator, I questioned the creator's existence. First of all, it was very hard for me to imagine a God as an entity I could ask something to. I guess I'm very damaged that way, I can't imagine God anymore. First I guessed that God would be a creation power, a designer, it just felt wrong, even just thinking about it. I felt out of context, their context, out of that deep feeling everyone had that there was an entity with something called absolute truth. Even writing about it makes me shiver.
Anyway, I was not about to share this with the rest, instead I thought what would I ask a to a caricature of an oracle. (that's how close I could get to divinity). I would never ask about the future, I think doing so would only ruin it. I wouldn't ask about the past, because that I build daily, and there's not much I can make of it anyway.
Questions about the universe? To an entity that knows everything, comprehends all uncertainties and complexities? There's no chance I could be capable of understanding even the question itself. The magic of science for humans is knowing we can't look at the universe objectively, or truly in its entirety. It is a beautiful paradox, the more we look into it, the more we realize we will never grasp it entirely.
And so, If I can't ask about me, the universe, and have no intend of knowing about other people any further than they allow me to, then what?
Are you happy God? Are you satisfied?
I said this last questions out loud. The first reaction was a sympathizing look, I thought maybe she had a clue of what was I thinking.
"Right, if he's happy with what we've done, right?"
"Not really, just... happy with its/his existence. Are you pleased with your existence God?"
As if the only reason to talk to it was asking about us, about HIM judging us. I don't care about the information he holds about me, I'd rather think I'm my own builder. I don't want his answers, mine are so beautiful and poetic by themselves. And more important, I think, I don't accept his judgement, my actions are about love despite convention, not convention despite love.
Sorry God, I guess today today I realized our relationship is strictly professional.
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