Posted by I'm the penguin | Posted in | Posted on Sunday, May 27, 2012
How are you feeling?
And don’t say just fine
(Well. Then I guess I’m feeling misshaped. A complete mis-fit, although that’s nothing new. But this time we're making a move, we're making it now. We'd like to go to town but we can't risk it 'cause they just want to keep us out. But revenge is going to be so sweet. I don’t want their homes or their things; I just want to come out of the side-lines.
And fuck this. Routine is biting hard, ambitions are still high but emotions won’t grow. And I want love to tear me apart again, even if it hasn’t before. I want my failings exposed and respect run dry. I crave crying out in my sleep. But I guess my timing is very flawed. I used to be somebody but now I’m someone else.
And I’m sort of sick of being someone I don’t admire. But then sometimes it feels like heaven. Maybe I should just take apart my old things, set them on fire. I should feel like my new life can start, head out to god knows where. But who knows how it will feel a year from now?
And then there’s you. I love you, but thinking of when we were together hurts so badly. When you looked at me so disappointed, so tired, I knew strings had broken, but you didn’t have to cut me off. Part of me knows it’s one of the things I’ve done, but I don’t want to live that way, reading into every conversation we had. I love you, but it hurts me. I guess now you’re just somebody that I used to know.)
I’m good, good. Nothing in particular, just, you know: here.