Of identity crisis (again)

Posted by I'm the penguin | Posted in | Posted on Tuesday, September 07, 2010

Ever since I decided my goal was to collect a vault of experiences, broken dreams and dead social expressions, I had this very romantic idea of the youth. I'd be one of those sidewalk wreckers, peace disturbers, unredeemable punks. That was my attempt, at least anything near to that would have worked.

I was sure that to achieve my balance, I first needed chaos, in all its forms. I needed a stormy phase in my life in order to understand a bigger purpose. I needed to completely destroy every single piece of me so I could rebuild something greater, something good. This idea remained a theme for most of my social views and my attitudes, because I thought that only finding the path once you are totally lost, is that you can find the right one.

But alas, am I a bad sidewalk wrecker. Not only did I achieved very few in reaching this romantic and dysfunctional life, but I was not getting anywhere. Anyway, I just kept in mind I needed to be bad to at last be good.

But then the blue crucifix came along, with an nonthreatening promise. And gave me a chance to redeem the not done wrongs and to purify my undisturbed mind.

And so, like in those tale I love to mock, a new path opened. One of being that person with a motive, a drive; the chance to be someone I envied. (and mocked).

Being 100% honest, this is much more dramatized than what the matter really is like. But this disclaimer is useless, for you know that already if you read any of the crap I post here.

Is this the New path, that of a good natured helper (?)

Am I going to the other side?

Is this still me?

Is next thing becoming religious?



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