I know what I want, generally. But lately everything is blurry, the world is changing and unpredictable, everything is going on too fast, I'm frequently sad and I don't know why. Lately, what I don't like about myself is that I end up doing the things I wanted the least, wasting what I wanted the most. I think it is due to the recent events.

"Life is beautiful and is meant to be lived happy" they keep saying, but I don't find any sense in that anymore.

I know I can solve my problems, but I choose not to, I choose this, and I scream when I'm angry, I don't keep my word and I choose this dark land of nothing. I rather not think like everyone else, although it is becoming less of an option in this world, be one more or die. And that is why I like myself, for being alone, for defying the authorities, because I need no permissions or groundings. I have my own thoughts.

And at this times of a constant cloudiness over my head I keep that black book, which makes my friends think I'm creative, bizarre I would say. But I'm no longer scared of others, the best part is that my parents get mad at me frequently, and I no longer care. The thing is that I know when something is right or wrong, but I don't like to know what I'm going to do next, the incertitude is my only gateway to liberty.

They know I have changed, but they act like they used to, my friends still look for me to study, my parents still try to talk to me and the rest of them trust me because according to them, I am reliable. But I changed, they should have noticed, the worst part is that in the process, no-one noticed I was gone.


By I'm the penguin