Through my adolescence I never had true friends you know? I felt very lonely where I lived, no one really ever got me there, I felt like a foreign day by day. In the world of short words and fake masks. My mother used to nag me every time she saw me reading or writing. "Quit that useless things and come polish your nails" or "Get pretty for the ball, no good man marries a woman for the amount of books she has read".

It was quiet sad indeed. My father kind of understood me, he bought lots of books for me, and then we'd discuss them. The thing was that he was so much into that world, that the only books we read were best-sellers and thinking about García Marquéz or Cortazar was just wrong. "They're a bunch of communists, idiots" he used to say. He was great, but he could've been more like me, but somehow that society was more appealing.

Living life as a common teenager was hard, the only thing that those girls read was about the new fashion that came from Paris, and the only thing they knew about the Bermudas triangle was that it was near some pretty islands where they would go on vacation. And don't get me wrong, i won't deny it was sometimes fun, i was also sixteen once. I could even blend with them, talking about which boy was the cutest and how could that special pair of high hills could match with that special dress accessorising. But I always felt that hole in me, I always felt lonely somehow.

I did once had a friend, her mom was a witch, and I don't mean this in the offensive way, she was indeed into the occult arts. But that's not the point, she was great, with her I could talk about politics, books and more stuff beyond who would be Spring Carnival queen. But our worlds were very different, my parents played poker with the state's governor while her parents went around their house naked, enjoying the new moon. Eventually she moved out and I never heard of her, last thing I knew from a rumor she had gotten married with a junkie.

And my life was as that, trying to pretend to be part of a world I completely disagreed with. Playing the role of another rich empty girl, when in fact my soul ached for anarchy and art and bohemian lifestyle.

Then, for college I moved, and it's funny, because I wanted a college close to home. But due to my mother's personal reasons I had to go to one in the other side of the country, which freaked me out at first, but I think that was the best thing that could have happened to me. Also, my parents were not aware that this particular school had it's reputation for it's liberal ideas, free thinking and pot consuming. I never did drugs, but sure I dived into the world of "useless hippies" and "stupid idealists". But that's kind of another story.



By I'm the penguin