"Dead is a gift" I was telling a friend, and of course we had had some talk before that. Something about the philosophy of liberty. And I was telling her that after all the suffering of living, at the end we got to rest. So our prize was the death. But you couldn't be bothered with an explanation could you?

"No it's not. That's just emo talk from a goth" You said, sounding all cocky as you always do.

"You don't even know what we're talking about, idiot" I said, with a very good reason. Because first of all I was talking to a friend in the corridor, without disturbing anyone. Then all of a sudden you come along and start your "I'm the master of philosophic point of views" talk.

"I do know. You think that death is a gift because you think life is shit and all about suffering and all about dealing with things you sometimes can't. You mean that it's an oasis after the desert that life is." You say, making it sound as if I was some sort of drama queen, which annoyed me even more. After all, that was not even my point. At least not the whole thing.

"Well that's how I see it. And it's not only because life is hard, but because it is the goal, to end. And I don't mean to try to suicide, that's cheating. You don't want to get there the fast way" I said, making a lot of sense inside my head, where you're obviously not.

"Sure, because it's a sin, and we don't want Lordie Lordie to be pissed when we get to saint Peter right?" You say. You're a jerk. And you try to ridiculize a religious thought that is not even mine. You think you're so smart, saying so and so to people. But you're a complete dougebag.

"Well, if that's your belief, I respect it. But I personally don't think of some guy admitting you into a clasist place where you live happily ever after. I only say that after living a fulfilling life, it must be a reward to know it ended. That it had meaning." I say, making my point, showing how I do understand, unlike you. And it makes me mad people like you are considered wise, or even smart.

"Get your story right, first you say it is about a rest and now you say it's about achieving a goal. Talk about two standard. What I think, is that you praise dead because you're so scared of life ending, oyu want it to be special, meaningful. Well, wake up, a person dies every three seconds" You say, now getting carried away. Maybe the perciengs and the skull tattoo may show I somehow think dead is a glamorous parade, or at least I hope so. But it's not, I want it to be meaningful, not because I'm scared. It's just that I wouldn't like to have passed all these in vain you know?

"I'm not scared to dead, and I don't want to pass away in some dead metal concert infront of everyone, if that's what your narrow mind thinks. I mean that giving an end to something makes it special. If it were infinite, then what would be the point of ever doing anything?" I said, trying hard to make my point clear. Sure you didn't deserved my time, but I at least wated to try to explain it. To myself at least.

"Then, what's so beatiful of death is life? Because if that's your point it's pretty damn idealistic. Life is life, you go through it and then you just don't. It is not some master plan where you are meant to learn and bring somehting to the world, that's just idealistic crap they make you think so you don't end up in suicide or prozac. You only live so humans don't extinct. That's it, you have no meaning, no purpose." You say, and I hate you for saying it. I hate you because you think you're so right and that you don't want to listen to what I'm saying. And I hate you because I know, deep down, that perhaps you're right, which kind of terrifies me.

"Well you can live your life thinking you're nothing but a naked ape, but I'd rather give it meaning. I can do that with my so called "evolved brain" so I choose to, to search for meaning" I say, knowing I'm sounding idealistic. Knowing that meaning is what separates us from the "wild" animals, holding to the thought that it all means something

"Oh really, you think it's a choice to look for meaning?"


[So... the end is near (of the year, I'm not going all paranoid...yet) And I thought of closing my part of the year with a discusion about the end. About the end of it all]
By I'm the penguin