You got me thinking, about plans and futures. And naturally, uncertainty.

Two years ago the future looked like this:

College, important contacts, some causes, some friends, foreign exchange, masters application. Canada/Europe/Australia, bigger contacts, bigger causes, partners, partners, career. UNEP New York, big leagues. Big success. Life of glamour (sustainable glamour) in a big city, intellectual social circles with the obvious required snobs. Fulfillment, achievements, art. Books, back to universities and old age.

While not step by step, you get the general idea.

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But then...

Then you find out what the world is really like. It's not the TV you watch, it is not the economic idea of AN "American Dream" which I'd rather call a "Neoliberalist dream". You realize there's perhaps no such thing as sustainable glamour, you notice that intentions alone won't do anything, nor important meetings in big buildings and suits. At least nos as they should.

You realize that your dreams, as well as the society who shaped them, has lost ground. And so you fall.

Now the future looks like this:

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...

Perhaps someday I'll succeed in fooling myself into believing my -in the process of- forgotten dreams.

Maybe some day I'll be rich and have a big (green) house and give conferences, like Al Gore. Or maybe I won't succeed into such brainwash. Or maybe I'm just trough a phase... (it never is, should I know...)

Am I becoming one of those people I despised and mocked? Will I be one of those globalophobics? Is this the real face of decadent youth with lost causes?

I just know that now, I have to break the few left paradigms inside my social construction. I'm not sure what will be left, but you're invited to watch if you want.

Thanks aunt beer.

F* you

x)