I feel just a little weird.
Not the fact of being weird; I’m so used to it.
But the fact of accepting I’m doing this feels weird.
I believe a part of me is trying to be a common girl.
Who likes pink.
That part troubles me, a lot.
It would be easier. I talk like a normal person sometimes.
I try to talk about things people would talk about.
Sometimes I feel embarrassed of not knowing about artists and trends.
I do not know how to talk to him about what he likes.
I feel I should be different, I should fit.
I want to.

But damn it, how I hate that feeling.

I’m so tired of talking to myself about things I care and talking to everyone else (him) about the gossip of the last boyfriend of a god knows who, who supposedly sings.

I don’t want to pretend.
You think I’m a nerd.
I am.
I like being it.
But I’m scared.
Scared of scaring you, when I like you.

When you talk, I try to be there, but I can't.
I'm not there.
It's not me
And you are you.

I have to come to terms with this.
Who I am.

I’m sure; someday I won’t feel alone,
When I finally find what I want.
When will I know?

I don’t know.
But it will be a sign.
A sign of the beginning of something.

Something that tells me I’m not alone.

The fields are a sign.
The fields are a dream.
There are penguins, dogs, squirrels, walruses...

I knew it.
Actually I didn't but thank life there was more.

[ Mrs. K i t e ]
[i was scared of being alone]

[a list. of moments/events/time, when you realized something important for your life]